A Lobster Tale

by Angela Gubler.  Originally written June 2016.

“I think I’d like to have dinner with you.”

“Hmmm, that sounds nice.  How about an appetizer?”

“Yes- what do you have in mind?”

“How about some lobster rolls?  I really love lobster.”

“Actually, I don’t really like lobster.  Why don’t we try something else?”

“Sure- how about this instead?”

“Much better.  These artichoke hearts are amazing.  So yummy.  I’m so glad we are here.  I love spending time with you.”

“I’m glad we are here, too.  You liked the appetizer, didn’t you? ”

“Yes, it was nice.  What should we have for our main course?”

“How about steak and lobster tail.  I really love lobster.”

“Oh, I like steak.  Especially a filet.  But I don’t like lobster.  Remember?  I told you that earlier.”

“You just haven’t had it like this.  It’s amazing.  You’ll love it.”

“I dunno.  I’ve tried it lots of times, and I never seem to like it.”

“Just one bite.  I’m sure you’re going to love it.”

“Okay.  I’ll try it again.  You are a great cook- the steak is amazing- so maybe you are right and I will like the lobster.  Just one bite.”

“Here.  I even dipped it in butter.  It’s so good.”

“Oh, no.  I don’t think it’s the way you make it.  I really just don’t like it.”

“Here’s another bite.  I’m sure you will like this better.  I love it.”

“I don’t feel very good.  I think I’m finished.”

“I think more lobster will help you feel better.  Here’s another bite.  I love you.  It’s wonderful.”

“You seem to really love it.  I want to like it, too.  But I don’t.  Is there any more steak? Or maybe artichoke hearts?”

“No, no more steak or artichoke hearts.  Just lobster.  I love lobster.”

“I hate lobster.  I want to leave.”

“But you can’t leave.  I’m not finished yet.  Don’t you want to stay with me?  I make a great steak.”

“I do like the steak.  But you said you don’t have any more steak.  Just lobster.  And I don’t want lobster.  I think I’m sick.”

“You’re not sick.  Just eat the lobster, and think of the steak.  It’s the practically the same thing.  I love lobster.”

“It’s not working.  I know you love lobster, but I really don’t like it.  I don’t know what to do.”

“You love me, don’t you?  And I love lobster.  So you love lobster.”

“No, I don’t think it works like that.  I do love you, but I still don’t like lobster.”

“Eat it anyway.”

“What?”

“Eat it anyway.  I don’t care that you don’t like it.  I like it.  Eat it.  I love you.”

“I need to go.  It’s getting late, and I want to be prepared for the morning.”

“I will die if you leave.  I can’t eat lobster alone.  I need you.”

“I don’t want you to die.”

“Have another bite of lobster.  It’s so good.  I love it.”

“I don’t want any more lobster.  I hate it.”

“You hate it because you won’t even try it.  You make me love lobster.”

“I feel dizzy.  I don’t feel well.  I think I am finished and I want to go.”

“Don’t go.  I will die.”

“I don’t want you to die.  But I don’t like lobster, and you aren’t happy when I don’t eat lobster.  Which makes me sad.  So I think it’s time for me to go.  I am leaving.”

“You can’t leave.  You will never be able to digest the steak I gave you.  It will sit in your stomach forever.  Like a rock.  The only thing that will make it go away is if you eat lobster with me.  If you don’t eat lobster with me, you will drag through life with me in your gut.  You won’t be able to eat anything else.”

“I can’t see.  I am so tired.  I think I am dying.”

“It’s your own fault.  You don’t like lobster.”

“I can’t die.  I have to be ready for tomorrow.  I have to go.  Let me go.”

“You’re gonna die.  You can’t survive without having lobster with me.  You may as well stay.  I love you.”

“I might die.  I don’t think you love me.  I don’t know how I feel about you anymore.  I have to go.  I am leaving.”

“One more bite.  I love lobster.”

Not another bite.  Not another word.  Not another minute.  I might die, but I am going.  I am gone.

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