Reasons why I sometimes look like I’m going to explode or chew your face off.

  1. You are the third person today to ask me how long does it take to make a quilt.
  2. You just asked me to hem a pair of pants.  Or replace the headliner in your car.
  3. You think it is okay to copy purchased patterns to pass out to your friends.  And then you all go out for lunch at $25 a head.
  4. You just laughingly informed me that I’m not making any money if Juan isn’t running.  After you just spent 20 minutes hanging out in my studio eating chocolate and chatting about your grandpa’s knee replacement surgery.
  5. You just whispered, posted or otherwise commented that using a computerized longarm is not real quilting.  As you slip your smartphone into your pocket and slide into your fully automatic vehicle to drive to your day job at the bank where you use the Internet to transact business in a building built with power equipment while at home someone uses a riding mower to make your yard beautiful.  Because technology is stupid.
  6. You make a comment under your breath indicating that you think your style of quilting is superior to that of other quilters.
  7. You think your way is the only way.
  8. You think that the way to make your dreams come true is by trying to crush someone else’s dream.
  9. You think nobody should be talking about you, but you don’t mind talking about everyone else.
  10. You think that you have just invented the wheel.
  11. You get yourself tied in a knot when I am not able to do what you have asked after you ABSOLUTELY WOULD NOT listen to me when I told you that I was underskilled or overtasked.
  12. You refuse to understand that people’s lives and relationships are way more complicated that you will ever know.  Withhold judgment.  You will never have the whole story.
  13. You either don’t understand or don’t care that when I give you a handmade gift, it is the emotional equivalent to giving you a piece of my flesh.
  14. You are angry because I no longer give you handmade gifts, but I still do them for other people.
  15. You ask me for my opinion and then argue with me about it.
  16. You get angry with me for not giving you special treatment over someone else.
  17. You belittle or criticize me after I have finally broken down and asked for or accepted your help.  It will only happen once.
  18. You drop off 5 trash bags of 35 year old acrylic and polyester fabric, yarn and stuffing, then giggle and call me a hoarder.
  19. You lightly tease me for having so many unfinished projects, right after you ask me if I have time to help you with decorations for your big event.
  20. You call me at 8:30 at night and say, “Do you have a minute?” And then proceed to ask me to be involved in some emotional manipulation of a third party.  Let me be clear on this one.  Do not ever ask me to help you manipulate someone else.  In any form.  Especially if said third party is a teenager.  Or an adult.  Or female.  Or male.  Ever.
  21. You make note that my house is dusty, my extra rooms are unorganized and that I haven’t made dinner for my family in three days, then ask me if I wouldn’t mind dog sitting while you go on vacay.
  22. I am hormonally unstable.  In which case, all of the above may still warrant a trip on my crazy train, but I am much less able to prevent myself from printing you a ticket.

This Juan Week

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This is where I was while Juan was waiting for me.

This last week I’ve been out of town with my family for a few days, which means I’ve left Juan home alone.  I am quite sure he is terribly bored and lonely, so to make up for it, I have spent every free moment reading everything from his instruction manual to multiple books on machine quilting.  All so we can spend some quality time together once I am back on the ground again.  I am actually considering writing my own book titled “Juan for Dummies.”  Or maybe “What to Expect When You are Juaning.”  Still working on that one.

Lesson 1:  Read the sewing machine manual.

Juan is a Gammill Statler, and yes, I did actually read the instruction manual.  On the plane.  The guy in the seat behind me was totally reading over my shoulder, as it was a real thriller.  Surprisingly, I’m glad I read it.  There were a number of things that were mentioned in the manual that Pat from Pat’s Calico Cottage had told me during training, but I had totally forgotten.  I actually think I may read it again.  It’s a powerful machine, but only as powerful as the user’s knowledge of how it runs.  Pretty sure that’s true of most sewing machines.

Lesson 2:  Just because the pics make it look a bit outdated doesn’t mean that it is.
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In addition to Juan’s instruction manual, I took four machine quilting books with me on my trip, and pretty much read all of them cover to cover.  Or at least looked at all of the pictures.  I dove right into the two books I thought would be the most interesting because they were more recent publications, with a modern, clean style to both the book itself and the featured projects.  Once I stopped dragging my feet to open the last two books, I was pleasantly surprised with how much helpful information they actually contained, and realized that with different photos I may have just jumped right into both.  One was a book called Hari Walner’s Continuous-Line Quilting Designs.  The quilting designs definitely lean pretty hard towards a more traditional style, but the continuous-line techniques that Hari teaches in the book can easily be transferred to any style that suits the quilter.  I was especially interested in the section Design Your Quilt for Quilting, and her thoughts on having a plan for how the quilt will be quilted before actually making the quilt top were provoking.  Plus, I loved her illustration and discussion on fabric, thread and batting selection, as well as instructions on how to make triangle border corners, which was a new one on me.

Lesson 3:  No matter what they say, not all machine quilting books are suitable for both domestic and longarm machines. 
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Well, okay, maybe that is not an entirely fair statement.  There are definitely things to be learned from most machine quilting books that can be applied to both domestic and longarm machines, but the reality is that often the books are written with a lean towards one or the other, based on the author’s experience and use.  For instance, The Complete Guide to Machine Quilting:  How to use your home sewing machine to achieve hand-quilting effects by Joanie Zeier Poole says plainly in the title that it is intended for the domestic machine quilter.  Joanie gives a thorough description of the workings of a sewing machine, how to set up a sewing station, the preparation process before quilting and techniques for actually quilting the quilt.  The book itself has somewhat dated photos, which is unavoidable when showing examples of sewing machines, and while Joanie dedicates a section to longarm quilting, she also makes it clear that her purpose is to support machine quilters on a domestic machine.  I felt that it was a well-written book, and was surprised that while the machines shown are not the newest models available, the information really is timeless.  I also found the information on batting, thread and needles very helpful, regardless of what kind of machine being used.  I plan on making more quilt minis in the future, and am glad to have this one in my library for reference.

Lesson 4:  Begin with the end in mind.
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I attended a lecture by famed longarm quilter Angela Walters earlier this year at QuiltCon 2015 in Austin, Texas.  I had been aware of her in the quilting world for some time, but it wasn’t until her lecture that I got a real feel for who she is, what she stands for and why it is important to listen to her.  So, I recently picked up her book In the Studio with Angela Walters: Machine-Quilting Design Concepts Add Movement, Contrast, Depth & More, and it was perfect inspiration for getting home and getting Juan up and running with my own custom quilting.  While I’m no prima donna, I am pretty excited about the prospects of learning and developing custom quilting skills.  Angela does a beautiful job in the book of breaking down those exact skills with 10 different projects that begin with the end in mind.  Similarly to Hari in Hari Walner’s Continuous-Line Quilting book, Angela teaches that making quilting decisions before the project even begins leads to less guessing along the way, as well as a more comprehensive finished work.  And speaking of finishing, deciding on quilting at the beginning of the quilt potentially shortens the time between planning and binding, leaving one with fewer quilt tops and more completed quilts.

Lesson 5:  Practice, practice, practice.
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This last lesson was actually learned first.  I was immediately drawn to the book Step-By-Step Free-Motion Quilting by Christina Cameli when my rep from Checker Distributors first brought it to me.  I am, like a lot of quilters, visual by nature, and I don’t normally love reading a lot of technical wish-wash.  All you have to do is look at the outer edge of this book to know that it has a lot less talking and a lot more action.  I love that Christina does a fairly simple introduction to free-motion quilting at the beginning of the book, then jumps to over 80 hand-drawn quilting designs intended for practice both by drawing on paper as well as quilting a project.  Both Christina and Angela Walters have a no-fear, dive-in-and-do-it attitude, which I appreciate on more than one level.  I often find myself champing at the bit, as they say, anxious to bolt out of the gate before I am actually fully prepped for a successful race.  But the difference between winning and losing the race has a lot to do with one simple concept- practice.  No matter how courageous, or even how talented the horse may be, it won’t win if it doesn’t know what to do when it leaves the gate.  Thankfully both Christina and Angela are able to convey the excitement of the race, but tempered with the right amount of preparation.

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That’s me in the middle on the plane writing this post.

Well, that’s it for this week.  Even as I write I am headed back home to wash the airport off of me, run laundry from an adventurous camping weekend at the Gubler Ranch and catch up with Juan first thing in the morning.  I only have a day with my quilting cohort in crime, but I’m pretty sure it’s enough to stir up some trouble to talk about next week.